Most of us love our spouses, but there may be times when we don't feel like we are "in love with them." It's really easy to get to that point, in fact, when instead we should be focusing on how to make our marriage strong. If you suddenly feel like you love your spouse but aren't in love with him or her (or that feeling is coming to you from your spouse), take a closer look; are there issues you aren't dealing with in your marriage? Perhaps there's been infidelity, or some type of broken trust. Maybe there's been abuse, or one or both of you are simply "bored." There can be other issues as well, but no matter what is going on, you need to take an active role in order to keep your marriage strong.
Step 1 - Determine Trouble Areas
Every marriage has good times and bad times, and this is simply normal. However, when things have been bad for a while and are not getting better, there may be other things going on. Until you identify what's going on, things aren't going to become better. Pay close attention to the types of conflicts that commonly come up. Is there something you fight about all the time, or is there something that hurts one of you or both of you? That's the issue or issues you need to target.
For example, maybe you are fighting about money or maybe you think your spouse isn't interested in you physically anymore. Those are obvious reasons, but in other cases, reasons may not be as obvious. Counseling may be necessary to help you figure things out, and if so, that's okay. You have to know what the problems are before you can figure out solutions to them.
Step 2 - Work To Resolve The Issues
Working out your problems is important if you want to keep your marriage strong. Once you've identified what the problems are, you can approach them practically to resolve them. For this, you'll both need to sit down and talk calmly and honestly to each other, and create a plan to make things better. This may be difficult, more difficult than you expect, but again, that's okay. Similarly, "minor" problems may be anything but once you really begin to delve into them and see what's going on. If your spouse considers something to be a deal breaker, that can endanger your relationship; if it's been going on for a while, things may come to a head and simply need to be resolved if you don't want to lose your relationship altogether.
Of course, all of this is going to take attitude adjustment, but it's also likely going to take honest, hard work as well. For example, if your spouse has told you, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you," and intimacy is a problem, take a look at yourself. Have you gained a lot of weight recently? Have you "let yourself go"? Maybe you need to take some steps to get yourself back in shape - and healthier, too - in order to repair your marriage.
Or, perhaps your spouse is the one who feels rejected, and has been the one who has "let him or herself go." If you don't see your spouse in the same way, because your spouse has led him or herself go, it's time to be honest. Put your cards on the table and be gentle but direct. Don't blame or point fingers, but do be honest about what's going on, framing things in the, "I feel" context instead of, "You make me feel."
Step 3 - It Takes Time To Build A Lasting Marriage
The third thing you'll need to do to help keep your marriage strong and resolve your marital problems is to take the time to work on it. Whether you decide to get counseling or simply work on the problems together on your own, you'll need to work hard to find solutions and to heal from the hurt that's been done. Remember, you're changing your marriage and not your spouse. The relationship needs mending, and you're both going to have to commit to working on it and to finding what you admire and each other most, so that you can fall in love again.
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Discover tips on relationship repair and get your relationship back on track. Maintaining a long lasting marriage can be tough but well worth the efforts. Here are three ways you can work to keep your marriage strong.
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