A good friend of mine, a phenomenal car enthusiast with a penchant for new Hondas, recently told me about his attempt to replace his car engine. He always struck me as a handy sort of fellow, but this was no handy sort of endeavor -- this was the open-heart transplant of the automotive world. He beamed and winked in that Steve McQueen kind of way. i knew then that this was a point of pride for him, a rite of passage. Pulling off a successful engine transplant is the stuff of car enthusiast legend.
With his beloved '90 Accord in the shop, he had no recourse but to try and get his junked '88 Civic in driving shape. The only problem, of course, was the fact that the Civic had no engine -- none. A few well-placed Craig's List ads later and he had a lead on a new engine. Calling in a few favors, he had the engine transported to his make-shift garage. And so, the scene was set.
Imagine Toshiro Mifune, circa 1953, and you'll have a good idea of my friend's perennial swagger. He detailed how he used a jerrybuilt engine hoist to swing the engine into place, all the while terrified the chains were going to snap. With the harmonic damper in place, the crankshaft ratcheted together, and the rod bearings holding firm, he managed to get the engine into place. Sure, it's no small feat to hoist in and connect engine -- but this didn't guarantee the engine would actually turn over.
With a cigarette dangling from his lips, he threw the transmission into neutral and cranked the ignition. He swore the engine turned over on the first turn. Impossible, I know, but if he insists, there is little I can do but believe him. The engine turned and he was in business. From a cobweb-encrusted heap, the old '88 was now ready for the road.
I can't deny I wasn't a tad jealous. A man who can replace a car engine enters a new league of manhood -- something between a demi-god and a movie star. If his square jaw and bonhomie demeanor weren't enough of a boon, his new-found skill sealed his Manly Man status. The moral of the story, that where there is a will, there is a way, was not lost on me. But that was beside the point. Needless to say, I haven't found the time to swing by a see his alleged handiwork.
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