Death is one of the most difficult things we face in our lives. At some point, everyone’s life will be touched by the loss of a family member, close friend or beloved pet. In times of sorrow, every one handles things differently, but everyone can use the genuine love of a good friend. Speaking as someone who has lost several immediate family members, friends can be a great source of support during a difficult time.
So how can you truly show someone that you care? Be there for your friend if they need you. Often we are at a loss for words when someone has suffered a death. If you haven’t felt the pain of loss in your own life you may be afraid to approach them. What do you say, how do you act?
First of all, just be the friend you have always been. Let the grieving person talk if they wish or just be silent if that is what they need. Don’t offer trite words of wisdom such as ‘I know how you feel’. Everyone deals with death differently so no one knows exactly how they feel. A simple ‘I am sorry’ or ‘you are in my heart and prayers’ are some of the most comforting words you can speak. If you knew the person who died, perhaps share your favorite memory. When my father passed away I treasured the stories people told me of how he influenced their lives. Those words meant so much to me and brought me comfort.
Often times your actions will speak louder than words. Do something to help your friend with everyday tasks while they are grieving. Do the dishes or laundry, run errands, bring a meal, or offer to pick out of town relatives up from the airport. Many times the daunting task of informing far away friends and family is almost unbearable for the bereaved so offer to help make those phone calls. After the funeral service, help sort cards, flowers and other gifts then help write thank you cards.
Perhaps the greatest service you can be to someone who has lost a loved one is in the weeks and months after the death. When I was cleaning out my parent’s house to get it ready to sell, I was overcome with emotions and memories. A very intuitive friend offered to spend an afternoon with me at the house. We set up items for me to photograph to preserve the memory. I was able to tell her stories about my life and my parents. She listened and laughed with me. That afternoon was so healing and I appreciate that friend so much. She didn’t give me a tangible gift, but she gave her time and a listening ear.
Even years down the road you can show your friend you have not forgotten. Bring up a memory you have of the loved one or just ask how they are doing. Offer to go visit the cemetery or someplace their loved one liked to go. One the year anniversary of my mother’s death, a dear friend bought my family dinner. I was so touched by this gesture. I was hurting one year later and she remembered the day and acknowledged that I would feel the loss again. She didn’t have to explain why she was bringing dinner she just said she was thinking of my family that day. Fifteen years later that dinner holds a special spot in my heart. I have no idea what we ate, but the act of love was unmistakable.
Friends can be a wonderful source of strength and comfort when dealing with death. Don’t be afraid to approach someone who has lost a loved one. Think of creative and loving ways to show you care. Your friend will greatly appreciate your love for years to come.
Author Resource:
Piper loves researching her family tree and discovering stories of her ancestors. She likes to write articles about subjects she knows well such as family relationships and fitness. She loves gardening, listening to music and spending time with her family. Piper also teaches classes at her local community center about stages of grief .
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